Infertility making you feel out of control?
Updated: Nov 10
Why does infertility make you feel so out of control?
I know it’s not just me, right?
I guess some of it is obvious, like most of it being totally out of your control. We didn’t choose to be infertile after all, right and if it was that easy to control then…
I don’t know about you but I HATE feeling out of control. I wouldn’t say I am a control freak, well at least I don’t think I am, BUT when it comes to my infertility I totally am. I guess it’s my way of dealing with this sh*t sandwich, putting some control back into the uncontrollable. Regaining some control somewhere was really important to me and for my well being.
I felt particularly out of control at certain points in my journey with infertility. Times that will forever stay with me and I remember as if they happened yesterday.
I felt out of control waiting for a diagnosis. I guess we were lucky in that we did get one and via the NHS as so many people are still waiting for this or have been turned down on the basis they don’t meet the criteria for fertility treatment, yes ridiculous I know!
Lots of my clients are told they have unexplained infertility and how this has made them feel totally out of control and directionless. We know really that unexplained just means the answer hasn’t yet been found but that’s where the help then seems to end and then people are left with no answers, or idea where to go next for help or are refused the tests due to things like BMI, age, being a smoker so they can to find out more.
Waiting is a killer. Waiting to try naturally, waiting to see if you are pregnant each month, waiting for fertility investigations if eligible, waiting for treatment that may never come.
I remember being told that despite losing loads of weight I was still not eligible for treatment, the rules had changed and unless I could lose more weight of which there was no help to do so, then this was the end of the road with NHS fertility testing and treatment. I felt that IF I was able to lose more weight it would actually be detrimental to my health and fertility, as I would need to do it quickly, resorting to drastic measures and I felt time was running out for me. I was perimenopausal with low AMH, Adam my husband had low motility and low sperm count and we had already wasted two years of our lives losing weight, when actually that was never the issue.
So we decided at this point, unable to qualify for NHS IVF that we were sick of waiting, that we wanted to take some control back, get some answers and move forward and in a way that we would have no regrets whatever the outcome as being stuck going round in circles was no longer an option. Stop the world, we were getting off.
And so we took control. We moved back in with my parents, saved and went abroad for our treatment with no waiting lists, where our budget could stretch further if needed (it was) and where we were assessed and treated with care, empathy, honesty and holistically. On our third transfer it worked. If we had gone in the UK all our money would have been gone after one cycle and we couldn’t live with our parents forever and in fact had begun discussing our plan b and how we would navigate being childless but not by choice.
I know private treatment is not an option for everyone and we were in a privileged position to be able to move in with parents and save and by going abroad we saved a lot of money which meant we could afford the treatment we needed to get pregnant and have a baby, but it was hard we had to sacrifice other things but we couldn’t carry on being stuck and totally out of control any more.
If you are saving for private treatment and would like our ten top tips to do this, based on things we actually did to save money for IVF then please download this free resource
If you are ready now to take back control on your fertility journey and are considering private treatment abroad in Europe, then take a look at our services page www.yourivfabroad.co.uk/services and follow the simple steps on our website to get in touch to arrange a no obligation chat to find out more about how IVF abroad in Europe and I may be able to help you to take back control and give yourself the best chance of success.
Love Emma xxx