Handling Awkward Fertility Questions Over the Holidays

As soon as December arrives, the world seems to explode into Christmas lights, festive plans and endless gatherings. And while this time of year can be lovely, it can also feel heavy for anyone navigating infertility. More social events usually mean more conversations, more small talk and, unfortunately, more opportunities for people to ask questions they shouldn’t.If you’re trying to conceive, going through treatment or feeling stuck in limbo, the holiday season can magnify everything you’re already carrying. You might be excited for moments with people you love, while also bracing yourself for the comments that cut deeper than others realise.

This guide gives you practical scripts, emotional strategies and one very effective distraction trick to help you move through gatherings with confidence, privacy and calm.

Why These Questions Feel So Hard

Most awkward fertility questions don’t come from a place of cruelty. They usually come from curiosity, habit or someone trying to fill silence with small talk. But even well-intended questions can land like a punch when you're already managing worry, grief, disappointment or fear.

You’re allowed to protect your emotional energy. You’re allowed to have boundaries. And you’re absolutely allowed to shut a conversation down.

Practical Scripts for the Most Common Fertility Questions

Use these as inspiration. Adjust the tone so it sounds like you.

“When are you having children?”

Polite:“It’s not something we’re focusing on right now.”

Firm:“It’s more personal than people realise, so we don’t tend to discuss it.”

Shut-it-down:“That’s not a question we answer anymore.”

“Just relax — it’ll happen!”

Polite:“I wish it were that simple.”

Firm:“Relaxing doesn’t fix medical issues, but thank you for the thought.”

Shut-it-down:“That’s not helpful. Let’s change the subject.”

“Have you thought about adoption?” (or surrogacy, or another ‘solution’)

Polite:“There are many paths to parenthood. We’re thinking about what’s right for us.”

Firm:“Adoption is a separate journey. It’s not a replacement for medical care.”

Shut-it-down:“I’m not discussing family-building choices today.”

“Should you be drinking if you’re trying?”

Polite:“Thanks — I’m making choices that work for me today.”

Firm:“My doctor and I have it covered.”

Shut-it-down:“My choices aren’t up for discussion.”

“Aren’t you getting a bit old for all this?”

Polite:“Age is just one part of a complex picture.”

Firm:“My doctors and I understand my options.”

Shut-it-down:“My age is nobody else’s business.”

The Fail-Safe Line That Works in Almost Any Situation

If you forget everything else, remember this:

“Have you tried the hummus?”

Or the stuffing. Or the trifle. Or literally anything on the table.

A sudden change of subject works beautifully. It’s an effortless way to redirect the conversation without confrontation, and most people won’t even notice what you’ve just done.

Extra Ways to Protect Your Emotional Energy

Have a ‘safe person’ at gatherings

Before you arrive, think about who understands your situation. Stick near them. They can change the subject for you or step into a conversation when you need rescuing.

Plan an exit strategy

You don’t have to stay for the whole event. Decide beforehand how long you want to be there and what excuse you can use to leave early if you need to.

Curate your social media

The holidays are full of matching pyjamas, glowing families and pregnancy announcements. A break can do wonders. Unfollow, mute or log out without guilt.

Give yourself permission to say no

You are not obligated to attend everything. Choosing your peace over a party doesn’t make you self-centered — it makes you human.

Decide what you will and won’t discuss

If you’re in a couple, talk this through before events. Agree how you’ll respond and how you’ll support each other if questions come up.

When Someone Genuinely Means Well

There may be people in your life who truly care but don’t realise how their questions land. If you feel safe enough, you can gently explain:

“When people ask me about fertility, it’s actually quite painful. What really helps is when you avoid those topics or check in about how I’m feeling instead.”

Most well-meaning people appreciate being guided. They just didn’t know.

You Don’t Owe Anyone an Explanation

If you dread holiday conversations, you’re not alone — and you’re not doing anything wrong. The expectations placed on people around fertility are enormous, and often unfair.

Remember:

• You’re allowed to protect yourself.

• You’re allowed to set boundaries.

• You’re allowed to shut down intrusive questions.

• You don’t owe anyone updates about your body, your timeline or your plans.

And if all else fails?

Ask them if they’ve tried the hummus.

Want to learn more about going abroad for fertility treatment? 

Watch this free masterclass: yourivfabroad.co.uk/freemasterclass

Access my Conceive Abroad Course. A step-by-step and comprehensive course for people globally on their fertility treatment journey who want to fully understand the process of IVF Abroad, know the steps it takes and feel confident about doing it themselves.

Or take my free quiz: yourivfabroad.co.uk/quiz

Still undecided if going abroad is right for you? Book a 121 Pick My Brain call: yourivfabroad.co.uk/pick-my-brain

Services - to find out more about my services visit: yourivfabroad.co.uk/services

FREE 15 minute video call - ready to take the next step and want to discuss the services Emma offers: calendly.com/yourivfabroad/15min

FREE Online fertility pharmacy introduction - Need an introduction to a specialist pharmacist for a no obligation quote for all your fertility medication at competitive rates and delivered globally?yourivfabroad.co.uk/online-fertility-pharmacy-service

Your IVF abroad planner/journal - Keep everything organised and in one place and document your journey and feelings along the way. Find out more/buy one here: yourivfabroad.co.uk/shop