Failed IVF and Spiralling?

If you’ve been through a failed IVF cycle — or you’re still deep in the trying-to-conceive journey — you probably know how overwhelming it can feel. The shame, the fear, the “what ifs,” the anger, and the deep sadness can create a spiral that’s hard to escape.

🧠 What Happens Emotionally After IVF Doesn’t Work?

Everyone processes IVF failure differently. Some people feel devastated. Others feel numb or strangely “fine.” And both are totally valid. But here are a few emotional patterns that commonly appear:

• Spiralling thoughts about the future (“Will I ever be a parent?”)

• Self-blame or guilt (“Maybe I did something wrong.”)

• Jealousy and comparison (“Why does it happen so easily for them?”)

• Overthinking every step (“What if I’d chosen a different clinBut here are a few emotional patterns that commonly show up:

• Spiralling thoughts about the future (“Will I ever be a parent?”)

• Self-blame or guilt (“Maybe I did something wrong.”)

• Jealousy and comparison (“Why does it happen so easily for them?”)

• Overthinking every step (“What if I’d chosen a different clinic?”)

The key takeaway? These feelings don’t make you a bad person — they make you human.

🛑 Step One: Allow Yourself to Feel

Before you jump into your next decision, permit yourself to feel what you feel. Whether it’s grief, numbness, relief, or rage — your emotions are valid.

Let yourself:

• Cry without explaining why

• Journal it all out (even if it's messy)

• Take a break from TTC forums or social media

• Rest. Truly rest.

Trying to rush past the pain rarely works — processing it, slowly and safely, does.

Build Your “Life Raft” for Emotional Support

One powerful metaphor for healing through infertility is building a life raft — a toolkit you carry with you that helps you stay afloat when the waves hit.

Your raft might include:

• Journaling (even just for 5 minutes a day)

• Talking to someone who gets it

• Small rituals that ground you (a morning walk, a favourite tea)

• Nature, movement, and connection to your body

You don’t need a full-on wellness routine — just a few practices you can return to when you feel unsteady.

🌈 Hope vs. Control — A Subtle Mindset Shift

We often put a lot of pressure on ourselves to stay hopeful. But hope doesn’t mean forcing positivity.

Instead, try staying open — open to the idea that good things could still happen, even if they don’t look exactly how you imagined. Open to the unknown. Open to possibilities.

That shift — from rigid hope to gentle openness — can ease anxiety and soften the “what ifs.”

🤝 Why Toxic Positivity Doesn't Help

Well-meaning phrases like:

“Don’t give up”

“Just stay positive”

“Everything happens for a reason”

…can actually feel invalidating. When you’re grieving or reeling from disappointment, you don’t need silver linings. You need space, empathy, and truth.

Real support sounds like:

“I’m here. This must be so hard.”

“I don’t know what to say, but I’m listening.”

“You don’t have to be okay right now.”

Let people know what kind of support helps — and permit yourself to limit how much you share and with whom.

✍️ Tools That Actually Help After a Failed Round

When you're ready (and not before), try these small mindset tools:

📝 The 5-Minute Check-In. Ask yourself:

What do I need today?

What’s one small thing I did yesterday that I’m proud of?

What’s one kind action I can take for myself?

🌱 Reconnecting With Your Body

Take a slow walk.

Eat something nourishing.

Stretch or move in a way that feels good.

Grief often disconnects us from our physical selves — these gentle practices can help you feel rooted again.

💭 Daily writing

Not for Instagram. Not for anyone else. Just scribble your thoughts, questions, fears, or even nonsense. This creates space between your thoughts and your identity.

💡 A Note on Pregnancy After IVF

Sometimes we think that getting pregnant is the finish line. But for many, anxiety carries into pregnancy — or resurfaces later, even after birth. That’s why doing emotional prep work now matters. It’s not just for this moment — it’s building a foundation for the next chapter, whatever that looks like.

💬 Final Thoughts

Whatever you're feeling right now is valid. You are allowed to be messy, angry, numb, or hopeful — or all of those things in one day. You don’t have to navigate this alone. Support doesn’t have to be big or dramatic — it can be a tiny daily practice, a journal entry, or a short walk outside.

What matters most is that you feel safe and supported as you make your next decisions — on your own terms, and in your own time.

Want to learn more about going abroad for fertility treatment? 

Watch this free masterclass: yourivfabroad.co.uk/freemasterclass

Access my Conceive Abroad Course. A step-by-step and comprehensive course for people globally on their fertility treatment journey who want to fully understand the process of IVF Abroad, know the steps it takes and feel confident about doing it themselves.

Or take my free quiz: yourivfabroad.co.uk/quiz

Still undecided if going abroad is right for you? Book a 121 Pick My Brain call: yourivfabroad.co.uk/pick-my-brain

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