Failed IVF and Spiralling?
- Your IVF abroad
- May 15
- 4 min read
If you’ve been through a failed IVF cycle — or you’re still deep in the trying-to-conceive journey — you probably know how overwhelming it can feel. The shame, the fear, the “what ifs,” the anger, and the deep sadness can create a spiral that’s hard to escape.
🧠 What Happens Emotionally After IVF Doesn’t Work?
Everyone processes IVF failure differently. Some people feel devastated. Others feel numb or strangely “fine.” And both are totally valid.
But here are a few emotional patterns that commonly show up:
· ⚡ Spiralling thoughts about the future (“Will I ever be a parent?”)
· 😞 Self-blame or guilt (“Maybe I did something wrong.”)
· 😤 Jealousy and comparison (“Why does it happen so easily for them?”)
· 💬 Overthinking every step (“What if I’d chosen a different clinic?”)
The key takeaway? These feelings don’t make you a bad person — they make you human.
🛑 Step One: Allow Yourself to Feel
Before you jump into your next decision, give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Whether it’s grief, numbness, relief, or rage — your emotions are valid.
Let yourself:
· Cry without explaining why
· Journal it all out (even if it's messy)
· Take a break from TTC forums or social media
· Rest. Truly rest.
Trying to rush past the pain rarely works — processing it, slowly and safely, does.
Build Your “Life Raft” for Emotional Support
One powerful metaphor for healing through infertility is building a life raft — a toolkit you carry with you that helps you stay afloat when the waves hit.
Your raft might include:
· 🖊️ Journaling (even just for 5 minutes a day)
· 💬 Talking to someone who gets it
· 🍵 Small rituals that ground you (a morning walk, a favourite tea)
· 🌳 Nature, movement, and connection to your body
You don’t need a full-on wellness routine — just a few practices you can return to when you feel unsteady.
🌈 Hope vs. Control — A Subtle Mindset Shift
We often put a lot of pressure on ourselves to stay hopeful. But hope doesn’t mean forcing positivity.
Instead, try staying open — open to the idea that good things could still happen, even if they don’t look exactly how you imagined. Open to the unknown. Open to possibilities.
That shift — from rigid hope to gentle openness — can ease anxiety and soften the “what ifs.”
🤝 Why Toxic Positivity Doesn't Help
Well-meaning phrases like:
· “Don’t give up”
· “Just stay positive”
· “Everything happens for a reason”
…can actually feel invalidating. When you’re grieving or reeling from disappointment, you don’t need silver linings. You need space, empathy, and truth.
Real support sounds like:
· “I’m here. This must be so hard.”
· “I don’t know what to say, but I’m listening.”
· “You don’t have to be okay right now.”
Let people know what kind of support helps — and give yourself permission to limit how much you share and with whom.
✍️ Tools That Actually Help After a Failed Round
When you're ready (and not before), try these small mindset tools:
📝 The 5-Minute Check-InAsk yourself:
· What do I need today?
· What’s one small thing I did yesterday that I’m proud of?
· What’s one kind action I can take for myself?
🌱 Reconnecting With Your Body
· Take a slow walk.
· Eat something nourishing.
· Stretch or move in a way that feels good.Grief often disconnects us from our physical selves — these gentle practices can help you feel rooted again.
💭 Daily writing
· Not for Instagram. Not for anyone else.
· Just scribble your thoughts, questions, fears, or even nonsense.
· This creates space between your thoughts and your identity.
💡 A Note on Pregnancy After IVF
Sometimes we think that getting pregnant is the finish line. But for many, anxiety carries into pregnancy — or resurfaces later, even after birth.
That’s why doing emotional prep work now matters. It’s not just for this moment — it’s building a foundation for the next chapter, whatever that looks like.
💬 Final Thoughts
✨ Whatever you're feeling right now is valid.✨ You are allowed to be messy, angry, numb, or hopeful — or all of those things in one day.✨ You don’t have to navigate this alone.
Support doesn’t have to be big or dramatic — it can be a tiny daily practice, a journal entry, or a short walk outside.
What matters most is that you feel safe and supported as you make your next decisions — on your own terms, and in your own time.
Free Resources & Step-By-Step Guides
Want to find out more about having fertility treatment in mainland Europe?
Take my free quiz here and no matter where you are in the process - new to the idea, curious about, actively researching, or making plans to have fertility testing/treatment abroad it will help you! From your answers you will receive tailored feedback and suggestions based on where you are at now to help you take your next steps.
To help you get started, sign up to my mailing list here.
Make sure to check your spam, junk, or promo folders if you don’t receive it within a few minutes.
For more support check out my free resources below:
Your IVF abroad podcast & pick my brain call with me
Just search Your IVF abroad on all your usual platforms like Apple and Spotify, or you can listen here.
And if you need more personalised support to understand how having IVF abroad might work, so you can ask your questions to help you to decide whether it’s right for you then consider booking a call with me.
